Archive

Archive for March, 2008

How, by changing only one or two letters, you can change the title of a Dr. Seuss novel into the title of a porn movie

March 26th, 2008
  • I Ram Sam
  • Horton Hears A Ho
  • Green Pegs & Ham
  • The Butt Battler Book
  • I Can Ream With My Eyes Shut!
  • Snatches & Other Stories
  • Hop On Pop

Bob Dylan lyrics that I could also use to talk about my car

March 20th, 2008
  • “I’m short on gas, my motor’s starting to stall” – Summer Days
  • “Feel like a broken down engine, ain’t got no whistle or bell” – Broke Down Engine
  • “It was perfect as I got in behind the wheel” – Brownsville Girl
  • “Automobile comin’ into style / Comin’ down the road for a country mile or two” – New Morning
  • “And the car I drive is a Chevrolet” – Union Sundown
  • “I got eight carburetors, boys, I’m using them all” – Summer Days
  • “Good car to drive after a war” – Talkin’ World War III Blues
  • “Oh, the French girl, she’s in paradise / and a drunken man is at the wheel” – Dark Eyes
  • “The vandals took the handles” – Subterranean Homesick Blues

Things to do in Denver when you’re dead

March 20th, 2008
  • Visit St. John’s Catherdral and talk about popular misconceptions about the afterlife
  • Drive down the I-25 in a hearse
  • Select a plot at the Fort Logan National Cemetery, lie down in it
  • Head to the “Boo At The Zoo” Halloween event at Denver Zoo – hey, no costume needed!
  • Visit the Denver Museum of Nature & Science and offer to help set up another cadaver exhibit
  • Catch a Broncos game and sit perfectly still

Ways pigs could fly

March 10th, 2008
  • Da-Vincian wing machine
  • Jetpacks!
  • Crystal meth
  • Jump from a great height, and flap their hooves very fast
  • Business class on Emirates
  • A series of improbable events

Adjective-fish combinations that could also be used to describe an erection

March 4th, 2008
  • Hardened flounder
  • Surly flathead
  • Militant sea bass
  • Empurpled bream
  • Elevated clownfish
  • Pointed mullet
  • Delightful snapper

Favourite foods of undead celebrities

March 3rd, 2008
  • Steak, very rare – Vlad the Impaler
  • Braaaaaiiiinnnsssss – Baron Samedi
  • Beef chow mein – David Kessler
  • Shoulder of (anything) – Gilgamesh
  • Beef Bourguignon – Elizabeth Bathory
  • KFC bucket of chicken, extra bone – Lycaeon
  • Bread, wine, lamb – Jesus